Hello, I hope you are well!
The health of western society is incomprehensible poor. In the UK alone 66% of people have overweight fat ratios.
I had become increasingly frustrated at the lack of direction in the medical community (who mostly do care), government (who generally don't give a nutsack) and infuriated with celebrity imbeciles, effectively dictating health policy, to line their pockets with huge wads of cash, to the detriment of the mental and physical health of most of the western world. A celebrities ability to help those in need is akin to a Polpot and Pinochet lovechild, having a genetic and/or nurtured disposition toward compassion.
After what felt like years of worrying and moaning, I got bored of my own stupid brain harping on about stuff. So I thought I would at least try to take positive action. I always expect to fail, so that’s a good starting point!
The first challenge was to write up a report of my ideas and then somehow get it to the British Ministry for health. I thought it may help if I show that I could potentially make a publicity film of it. So I created a quick video showreel. See below:
I then proceeded to compress my ideas into a report, that would start the ball rolling to help make a change. I took my time. I used science, reliable data and my experience in physical coaching. I soon discovered a hurdle. The hurdle is being relatively financially poor, not famous and not a tabloid journalist.
Celebrity dinner makers like Jamie Oliver have sudden 'medical ideas' like being anti-sugar. No science or considered thought to back it up. WHALLOP - they have about 400 hours of media airtime in the first week. Doctors, health and fitness professionals the length and breadth of the country are now banging their heads against brick walls, stethoscopes and dumbbells flailing, like shit Daleks, as he systematically unravels all their hard work. Granted some of these celebrity eejits are well intentioned and are not looking for any old PR stunt, to fuel their failed business ventures and over-sized houses.
Anti sugar? Rejoicing like Davros on TV in London, while poorer people suffer with his sugar tax. Sugary foods might be the only pleasure they can afford. OK, now remove all the desserts and soft drinks from every menu, in every restaurant that you own and your website. And another thing Oliver, try and get between me and my cake or gelato. Try it. Go on. See what I do. Get yourself fit before you preach to everyone else.
As usual I digress.
So, I completed the film showreel and finished my report. Next, which MP should I contact? AHA! A stroke of luck! My local MP is none other than John Whittingdale, the gentleman who headed up the committee against all those nasty newspapers and journalists. He was minister of media, sport and culture. Great!! I emailed him explaining everything. He was brilliant, quick to respond, polite and encouraging. I couldn't believe my luck. I was genuinely buoyed up and less cynical.
He forwarded my report to the Minister of Health …….. I awaited the reply eagerly.
I received the reply below from an under secretary:
How utterly dull. Basically their veiled command was: Do a load of stuff for free locally. Its local responsibility not ours. We are possibly going to do something but might not. You are not famous or useful enough. Now go away you grotesque non-etonian little specimen. That last bit is probably unfair, although you never know!
Even John Whittingdale, bless him, was almost apologetic in his email to me and tried to encourage me not to give up. Over the next few months, I started seeing and hearing lots of my ideas being actioned or suggested in the media. Even the CHIEF MEDICAL OFFICER said obesity is more of a threat than terrorism (see my showreel)! I was being plagiarised like the plague. Yes, I had also sent my report to her department, and received a reply.
Bloody sneak-thieves. F**K it I can't be arsed anymore. They will undoubtedly mess it up anyway, and they would have milked me dry in the process.
I found it tremendously exciting blanking out sections of a government document. Maybe the call of power is overwhelming. Area 51 is calling me. What's the British equivalent? Probably something rubbish like 'secret super alien and robot base 87.8 FM'. Well it wouldn't surprise me, after all, the government cabinet emergency action meetings are called COBRA. I piss myself whenever I hear those muppets have convened a meeting of COBRA. Basically we are all doomed.
Again I digress.
Months passed and I decided to man up and re-visit the whole area and give it one last shot. I was priming myself to contact John Whittingdale again, as my friendly go between and also ramp up my local activity, even though most of my ideas can only be piloted nationally.
Literally, the week I was going to email him, I was faced with this:
Culture secretary John Whittingdale caught in prostitution scandal.
I don't actually care what he gets up to, especially if he is a kind person to one and all. I genuinely believe him to be a good person. But with that position comes extra responsibility, especially if it involves holding the sneaky media to account. They undoubtedly used it against him.
So there my mission ended again, very bizarrely, at the hands of a whip, chains, pastel coloured dildos and some ping pong bat thing that you smack your arse with etc.
No thanks, I don’t want anything to do with the world of money, fame and power!
So today, I have decided to publish my report here for all to see (below). I would rather everyone spread this information freely to try and effect change, than it be mishandled and plagiarised by people in positions of power.
PRESENT: Coffee addict Dan is 42, a father, husband, health & fitness professional, filmmaker, photographer and budding scientist. Welcome to his tiny part of the universe, where he chats nonsensical about the topics he loves.